BARRACKY BERT THE SOLDIER
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
Barracky Bert, the Soldier had never been to war.
Suddenly he was called up, then active service saw.

Chorus :
Rum-ti-tum, rum-ti-tum, hear the beat of the kettledrum.
The army into a man will quickly mould yer.
'Cure or break, I will make a man of you,' said Sergeant Blake.
'D'ye think I'm a lady, for goodness sake?'
Said Barracky Bert the Soldier.

Enemy were advancing, we're just a handful strong;
Nothing we can do goes right, our plans have all gone wrong.

Chorus :
Rum-ti-tum, rum-ti-tum, hear the beat of the kettledrum.
The army into a man will quickly mould yer.
Troops retire, bugles blast; right about turn and hop it fast.
'Blimey, we're right about something at last.'
Said Barracky Bert the Soldier.

Once he went with a milk-maid, around the farm to roam.
Said he, 'Come into the cowshed, then you'll feel more at home.'

Chorus :
Rum-ti-tum, rum-ti-tum, hear the beat of the kettledrum.
The army into a man will quickly mould yer.
'Who are you?' cried the maid. 'What are you in... in which brigade?'
'In Maurice Chevalier's Love Parade.'
Said Barracky Bert the Soldier.

One day he met the Sergeant, who'd had a drink or two.
Barracky Bert cried, 'Oh, sir! I am surprised at you.'

Chorus :
Rum-ti-tum, rum-ti-tum, hear the beat of the kettledrum.
The army into a man will quickly mould yer.
Sergeant cried, full of wine, 
'Kiss me just for auld lang syne.'
'The lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.'
Said Barracky Bert, the Soldier.

Once they put him on sentry to guard the sunday joint.
When he sat on his bay'net, then he saw the point.

Chorus :
Rum-ti-tum, rum-ti-tum, hear the beat of the kettledrum.
The army into a man will quickly mould yer.
There's a girl with golden locks, every night the artful fox,
'She's tickling me round my sentry-box.'
Said Barracky Bert the Soldier. 
The end