THE BROADCASTER
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)

Hello everybody, hell-frightfully-ho,
Just tune your radios all in;
I am the gent with the Oxford accent
BBC Home Service calling.

I'm a varsity man-you can tell by my voice;
All through Oxford I've been, on a chara.
I was brought up at Eton till I was fourteen,
Then was eaten and brought up at Harrow!

First of all there's a SOS, it's from Banbury Cross:
Will the housemaid employed at the vicar's,
Who ran away dressed in a blouse and a hat,
Return-and he'll give her-her wages.

Here's SOS, number two. Will Angus McCue
Return to his wife at Dundee;
For six months or more she's been at death's door,
And the lodger's gone off with the key.

Will old Widow North, who buried her fourth,
Return home, please, quickly to Leeds.
  They've found an old man with a watering can
Who is anxious to water her weeds.

To-day at the organ we've Tommy O'Morgan,
Be prepared for a bit of a shindy.
It's the first time he's played, and I'm rather afraid
Like the organ he's going to be windy.

For bird-loving men we've a talk on the hen
By the poultry expert, Mr. Brewster.
If you do what he says you'll find the game pays,
And you'll even get eggs from the rooster.

French lessons for schools are by Monsieur Jules,
And all of you know what his French is
It's nice and refined-not a bit like the kind
The Tommies use out in the trenches!

On His Master's Voice we've a record that's choice
It's a Welshman who sings "Men of Harlech."
Then we'll have "True to Death" on His Master's breath
By an Italian who's been eating garlic.

From the Queen's Hall to-night there's a feast of delight,
On this orchestra there's no improving.
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