(Almost a Gentleman)
|| Everybody knows me, Dr. Goosegrease, M.D.
All the best paying patients, I've got 'em.
Harley Street's my abode, No. 6 down the road,
No. 9 if you start from the bottom.
All your doctors are saps - all excepting me, p'raps,
And I speak without swank or bravado.
I've taken the place of the late Dr. Grace,
Doctor Crippen, and Doctor Barnardo.
I can get to the seat of most any complaint,
Patch you up and make you feel swell;
I can patch a weak chest, do a rip in your vest,
Or a split in your trousers as well!
I've got indoor patients, and outdoor ones, too,
With my knowledge I've very few failings,
My outdoor patients are all convalescent
At Gravesend, surrounded by railings!
My tonic, no doubt, you have all read about,
It's a sure cure for anything chronic.
If your palate is sweet, take a drop of gin, neat,
Then drink it and leave out the tonic!
It'll whack you Macleans, Bob Martins, Bile Beans;
You can use it to paddle your feet in.
It'll shift housemaid's knees, B.O., or D.T.'s,
And those distant relations of Keating.