Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
Though I've travelled far in distant lands- 
Russia, Prussia and Runcorn Sands- 
Back to my hometown I feel I want to roam,
And see the tripe shops.

Though I've loved the Moslem girls, and Turks
Let me squeeze the lassies at the pickle works,
I'm longing to be there- 
Back in Wigan-super-Mare.

Hometown, on the sunny shores of Wigan,
Mothers' mouth is such a big'un,
Each time she yawns the kids sing
'Daddy, dear, don't go down the mine.'

Hometown, I can see my Auntie Lola,
Though she's only got one molar
By gum! but when it comes
To spearing pickled onions she's fine.

In the summer, when Ma's
Preserving jam~greengage and ras.
I know my dear Pa's
Busy running to the cemetery to get jam jars.

Hometown, I can see the chair that Abey
Loved to sit in when a baby
Until he tumbled through the middle
In that hometown of mine.

Hometown, with its coal and slack and cinders,
Where they never wash the winders,
So, when they have a bath on Friday,
They don't pull down the blind!

Hometown, there's no bathroom done in pink there,
So they all Sit in the sink there;
They have to wash as far as possible,
But still they don't mind.

There's my old bedroom where 
I used to sleep, and though it's bare 
There's the old bedstead there,
But there's no handle on the only bit of earthenware.

Hometown, they train on chips and peas there,
And the beds are full of flocks there,
And every night the flocks are grazing
In that Hometown of mine.

Hometown, where it's washing days on Mondays,
You all know how she keeps up her dignity
The're tied up with
Bits of string, bits of rope and bits of twine.

Hometown, there's my cousin Aramintas,
What's its names that she gazintas,
Although they're looking
Very draughty round Newcastle-on-Tyne.

Though my old sweetheart, Nell,
Was once a real hard-working gel-
Worked in two shifts as well,
But she's had to pawn 'em both-

Now she's a shiftless gel.
Hometown, Auntie Fannie's got her's pinned up,
In the breeze they've got the wind up- 
You'd think that Fanny was inside 'em
In that Hometown of mine. 
The end