MOTTOES
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
There are mottoes on the family crests of England
Since the Conqueror blew his conk upon our shores
It's grand to have a motto, especially when you're blotto
And the best one I've heard lately is, 'What's your's?' 

We've a family crest emblazoned on our washhouse
It's a Scotsman with some feathers on his legs
And underneath in Latin there's a cauliflower au gratin
And a haddock wrestling with two scrambled eggs 

So don't forget the motto of your ancestors
It's Honey Swore Qui mali wooolsey pants
Pro bono public house so aqua fortezene the English cup
That means, 'A stitch in time will often keep your trousers up.' 

Remember what the great Napoleon Nelson
Told the girl guides in the ranks at Waterloo
In veritas, cum ceribus, asparagas, die spud
Nox barbican, biconiker, harpic and Cordez blood
Translated, means, 'A little of what you fancy does you good.'

That's a motto for the likes of me and you.
There are mottoes on the standards of our Army
There are grottoes on the Sergeant Major's nose
Upon the Highland banner, there's a close up of a tanner
A haggis doing the splits in tartan hose. 

Our gallant Lancer boys have, 'Death and Glory'
The Irish Guards are, 'Comment allez vous.'
The Dragoons have, 'Now or Never.' but what motto lives for ever
The dear old Warwicks, 'And the same to you.' 

So don't forget the motto of your Regiment
Sic transit Gloria, Monday, Tuesday night
Laboria fixit oxo cutty cura crepe de chines
In Spanish, 'You're a better man than I am Ginga Din.' 

Remember what the Sergeant Major told you
When he tucked you up in bed as Sergeant's do
Con bonus disinfectibus verbatim menthol stuff
Orpedes nisi die decree nisi blindman's bluff
Translated from the Hebrew, 'You can keep your Christmas duff.' 

That's a motto for the likes of me and you.
And don't forget the motto of your Varsity
Borstolio colleeds fermez la bouch
Con granum sallis forex sums rectum digits down
Translated from the Greek that's, 'Keep your knees up Mother Brown.' 

Remember what the Patriarch King Solomon
Told his harem on the night they'd had a few
Teetotalum overcoatum asqua scutum atomack
Sonata with tomoto, laringitis, cul de sac
Translation, 'If your rhubarb's fallen try and bend it back.'
That's a motto for the likes of me and you. 
The end