NURSERY RHYME NONSENSE
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
Hang up the baby's stocking,
Be sure you don't forget; 
To-day is pussy's birthday, 
And we're not downhearted yet.

So ring-a-ring a roses, 
Ashoo! all fall down;
The tailors charge too much for clothes, 
Their trousers should come down.

Sing a song o' sixpence, 
A pocket full o' rye;
Our linnet's had its hair bobbed 
So of course it cannot fly.

I had a doggie bow-wow, 
It wasn't very large;
It died, alack, but it came back 
Inside a fat soss-age.

Can you mend my dolly? 
The little maiden said;
Her legs and arms and body's gone,
And I can't find her head.

The cows are in the clover, 
The baa lambs in the dell,
Mother's with the angels now 
And Daddy's gone t... sleep.

A little ship was on the sea, 
It was a pretty sight,
But it couldn't 'breast the billows' 
'Cause its weskit was too tight.

Baa. baa, Mister Blacksheep, 
Have you any wool?
No, sir, I've gone broody-
I feel like Barney's bull.

Hick'ry, dick'ry, dock-on,
The clock was striking one,
The mouse ran down and shouted:
'Liar! An hour they've shoved you on.

Taffy was a Welshman,
Taffy was a thief,
The cow jumped over the moon and then 
Up went the price of beef.

Willie to his rabbit said:
'Oh, do buck up and grow.'
But Bunny said: 'I can't buck up 
Because I am a doe.'

Daddy had a clucky hen,
It wouldn't give us eggs,
But from to-day it's sure to lay 
'Cause I chopped off its legs.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 
For water in a pail
Jill came down with half a crown, 
And Felix wagged his tail.

Mary had a little lamb, 
She used to call it Flo;
It hadn't any lambkins,
So she changed its name to Joe.

'I won't cry any more, Ma,' 
Thus said a maiden shy;
'The more I, cry the less I drink
And oh, I am so dry.''

Tom, he was a piper's son:
He played a piping note; 
But horsey cocked its tail up,
Knocked the pipe down Tommy's throat. 
The end