Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
Years ago in 1960, Shakespeare used to tell his kids
Heaven smiles upon the Irish, but gives the money to the Yidds
See that girl at yonder corner, she is rich as you can guess
Once upon a time she'd nothing, now that girl's got twice as less
And though she suffers from good health, pity her in all her wealth.

She was happier when she was poor
Though for years she'd the wolf at the door
But the wolf got so tired of being out on the mat
One night he came in and had pups in her hat
Now she lives in a mansion in Limehouse
Her six double-chins reach the floor
She's got a red nose Ocos too freely she's wined
Through eating too much there's a load on her mind
There's a red light in front and a pillion behind
She was happier when she was poor.

She was once a village maiden down in Aldershot, it's true
When the soldiers spoke to her she'd answer,
'Thank you, and the same to you.'
Have we made her what she isn't? We have got to face this fact
She was once a fashion plate but her cup and saucer's cracked
Now so wealthy she has got, all her crockery's gone to pot.
She was happier when she was poor

When she only weighed seven stone four
Now she's eighteen stone six and as fat as can be
Where the Mountains of Mourne rolled down to the sea
Each day, in a large beauty parlour, they iron out her wrinkles galore
They massage her annex and make her perspire
And with a pump-roller they punctured her tyre
So now when she gargles her tonsils back-fire
She was happier when she was poor.

She was happier when she was poor in a cottage on old Ilkley Moor
She lived in a room that was just four by two
Her left leg in bed and her right up the flue
She slept in a bell-bottomed night dress
Now she has silk pyjamas galore
She's got a swell suit trimmed with butterflies bright
She wore them one night when her husband got tight
And the rascal went butterfly catching all night
She was happier when she was poor. 
The end