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Al Read
 
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THE SOBSTUFF SISTER
by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)

Sal was a sobstuff sister
On the pictures she’d shed tears galore
Her tears fell in torrents, and the band at the Gaumonts
Played ‘River, Stay away from my door’.

But Sally stood out at the pictures
Yes, Sally stood out like a star
But one night she cussed when her shoulder strap bust
And she stood out a trifle too far.

In a picture called ‘Fighting for honour’
Each night Sally fought against sin
And the wise-guys and yobs payed their tanners and bobs
All thinking - she can’t always win!

Films have rolled on by the million
Each week she was in a schemozzle
Either biting the ears off Clark Gable
Or biting the boko off Schnozzle.

Wrestling with Victor Maclaglen
Young Sal didn’t care - she took chances
She once played a vamp, who’d to sleep in a camp
Out in Bengal with blokes with long lances.

Films have rolled on by the million
But still Sally struggled along
She played parts big and small, but the smallest of all
Was when she played a flea on King Kong.

Then she played the back legs of an elephant
And just as the camera man shot ’em
The fellow in front sat down with a grunt
And Sal sang, “you’re the top, I’m the bottom.”

In a picture called ‘Angels from Heaven’
As a girl flyer Sally showed pluck
‘Till she fell with a crush in a raspberry bush
So the lads blew her out one for luck

Films have rolled on by the million
In a railway scene she had to suffer
For the Southern North mail ran right off the rail
And mistook Sally’s chest for a buffer.

In a film called ‘The Forest’ she posed as a tree
And poor Sally felt rather nettled
For the ants, wasps and bees crawled all round her knees
And her further outlook was unsettled.

Once she had a tough time up at Wembley
In a picture called ‘Up for the Cup’
For her clothing got torn, she was as bare as you’re born
But thank Heaven she was sunny side up.

Films have rolled on by the million
In the Ghost Train film Sal played the Station
But the leading man, he had an onion for tea
So they called it ‘The Breath of a Nation’.

At the round up when branding the cattle
One cowboy was quite a fast worker
But the iron red-hot missed the cow’s tender spot
And branded poor Sal as a shirker.

In the ‘Gangster’s last Bluff’ she said, “I’ve had enough,
I’ll just say good-bye to the flickers”
For the gangsters shot holes in her new camisoles
And then perforated her - undies.

She was riddled with lead and the film maggot said
“If she leaves the films, what will the loss be?
‘Though the winds from the West whistle tunes through her chest
We can’t kid the fans she’s Bing Crosby.”

Sal’s got garbo skinned to the eyebrows
She got Mae West skinned to the hips
And with Marlene Dietrich she played a fried fish
In the ‘Auction of Soles’ with no chips.

Take your hats off to Sal as a film star
She’s a trier, some trooper, some gel
When she goes back to work in the laundry again
Take your shirts and your pants off as well.
 
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