performed by
Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
  Life’s full of riddles and puzzles.
You’ll know that when you look at me. What am I?
Can you guess? I’m a mess I confess.
So riddle me, riddle me re.

I’ll give you three guesses to guess what I am.
To guess what I am is very hard.
So I’ll save you the trouble of guessing.
I’m a detective at old Scotland Yard.

When I say detective they call me a split,
And with me you mustn’t confuse,
Split weeks or split soda, split heads or split peas
Or the girls who do splits in revues.

I’m a Tec of the Yard. You’ll all have heard of the Yard.
At the Yard I’ve to work very hard.
It’s not a Tan yard, a bone yard, or back yard.
It’s a yard and a half is the Yard.

If you doubt I’m a split I can prove it.
The proof - I have always on show.
I’ve a split in me vest, and the heel of me sock
And a split between every toe.

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