Billy Bennett
(Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
What a dreadful night - Oh a shocking night,
Unfit for man or beast -
Oh, it's a terrible night, the rain's started snowing now.

Where old Father Thames is flowing,
'Neath the shadows of Big Ben.
Let us take the Thames Embankment,
Let us put it back again.
Victims of the city cesspool,
Sliding down that sloping slant.
See those slimy slippers slopping,
You can see them, yes you can't.

From my window in Vanity Fair
I can see the swells dine at the Ritz
On saute potatoes and hard blown bloaters
And sausages doing the splits
But inside the kettle they boil the plum duff
It must be the fashion round there
'It's stuck in the kettle,' cried Lady McFee
'Oh, will it come out of through the spout,' murmurs she
And I hear all the waiters shout, 'Suck it and see'
From my window in Vanity Fair - Ha Ha

Oh, what a terrible night - oh it's a shocking night

As Big Ben is chiming midnight
There's a woman in her cups
On her arm she's got a wrist watch
One of Big Ben's little pups
In her shawl she's got a burden
On the parapet she's sat
A scream, a splash, and then she murmurs
'That's the end of that Tom Cat.'

From my window in Vanity Fair
When life ebbs and flows with the swell
When cruel fate gets 'em
They're Flotsam and Jetsam
P'raps Leighton and Johnston as well
A form in the water is shouting for help
It's an elderly man with no hair
There's no one about except short-sighted Ann
She hits his bald head such a smack with her fan
And I hear her say, 'Bob down, you dirty old man.'
From my window in Vanity Fair, Ha ha.

Oh, what a terrible night - it's a shocking night.

Stand by Cleopatra's needle
Watch the torpor trickling tide
Don't stand by the needle long
Or you'll get stitches in your side
See that fugitive is flying
Is he fleeing from some crime?
Will he reach the goal he's seeking
No, the potman's shouted time.

From my window in Vanity Fair
I can see sights to make your heart sore
I gaze with dismay through the window each day
'Cos I can't see so well through the door
From the window that's opposite mine in Pall Mall
A tattooed film-actress lives there
She's got the four horsemen tattooed on one cheek
On her back there's Ben Hurr and it does look unique
But she's showing the topical budget next week
From my window in Vanity Fair, ha ha. 
The end