Noel Pherns
performed by Fred Lewis
Though you call me 'old buffer' the fact still remains,
I'm a sport... I'm a sport.
The true British blood sir, that runs through my veins,
Can't be bought... can't be bought.
I've always been right in the thick of the fray, 
A glutton for work and a demon at play.
And sometimes I venture a shilling each way,
I'm a sport... I'm a sport.

At the old game of flirting I still have my fling,
I'm a sport... I'm a sport.
And I take all the pretty girls under my wing,
To be taught... to be taught.
Sometimes it's the women who lead us astray
Why I caught the cook kissing my grandson one day
But I turned down the gas and just tiptoed away,
I'm a sport... I'm a sport.

When I married my Jane I was only a lad,
But a sport... quite a sport.
And she turned out a bit of a Tartar, by Gad! 
I was caught... fairly caught.
I tried hard to please her but always in vain,
And her nagging, at times, fairly drove me insane;
But as soon as I lost her I married again,
I'm a sport... I'm a sport.

Though I'm getting on now very near the last page,
I'm a sport, I'm a sport.
But the young folk today don't respect my old age.
As they ought... as they ought.
Well, youth will be served, I must freely proclaim,
And the lads are TRUE BLUE who can just play the game,
So let each MOTHER'S SON OF YOU make this your aim...
The end