'ARF A CIGAR
written by
Martyn Herbert and Herberte Jordan
Performed by
Will Deller

I've found a cigar, leastways, 'arf a cigar,
Well its only a stump, still it's there.
Not a bad sort o' find when you're down on your luck;
It'll last twenty minutes, wiv care.

Things 'as bin pretty bad, an' I'm very near broke,
I've not 'ad a smoke all the day.
It don't run to cigars, so 'ere's jolly good luck 
To the chap as threw this one away. 

I shan't 'arf cause a stir as I stroll in the Park,
(I shall probably sleep there tonight.)
'Obnobbin' wiv some o' the swells as I know,
Well, that is, I know 'em by sight.

It gives you ideas when you're smokin' cigars,
I shan't lunch at Lockhart's to-day
I shall dine with Duke 'Umphrey, an' kid I'm a torf, 
Like the chap as threw this one away. 

Very likely the feller as threw this away
'As troubles enough of his own;
A position to keep up, a 'alf dozen kids,
An' a wife as won't let 'im alone.

So I dare say I'm 'appier, when all's said an' done
Wiv me shag an' me dirty ole clay.
You can 'ave your cigars, but I wouldn't changes places 
Wiv the chap as threw this one away. 
The end