THE BRICKLAYER'S STORY
by
        Gerard Hoffnung
        

          

            
I've got this thing here that I must read to you.
Now, this is a very tragic thing... I shouldn't, really, read 
it out. 
A striking lesson in keeping the upper lip stiff is given 
in a recent number of the weekly bulletin of 'The Federation 
of Civil Engineering Contractors' that prints the following 
letter from a bricklayer in Golders Green to the firm for 
whom he works.


Respected sir,
                
when I got to the top of the building, I found that the hurricane 
had knocked down some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a 
beam, with a pulley, at the top of the building and hoisted 
up a couple of barrels of bricks.
When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left 
over.
I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at 
the bottom and then went up and filled the barrel with the 
extra bricks.
Then, I went to the bottom and cast off the rope.
Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was 
and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down, 
jerking me off the ground.
I decided to hang on!
Halfway up, I met the barrel coming down... and received a 
severe blow on the shoulder.
I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam 
and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley!
When the barrel hit the ground, it burst it's bottom... allowing 
all the bricks to spill out.
I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again 
at high speed!
Halfway down... I met the barrel coming up and received severe 
injury to my shins!
When I hit the ground... I landed on the bricks, getting several 
painful cuts from the sharp edges!
At this point... I must have lost my presence of mind... because 
I let go of the line!
The barrel then came down... giving me a very heavy blow and 
putting me in hospital!

I respectfully request 'sick leave'.