| HOME GUARD
( THE DAY WAR BROKE OUT... )
by
Robb Wilton
The
day hostilities terminated, my... my missus said to me: "What
are you going to do now?" I said "What do you mean, what am
I going to do now?" "Well," she said "there's no Home Guard,
no more fire-watching, they don't want any more Special Constables,
so what are you going to do?"
I said "I'll do something" - she said "what?" I said "How
do I know? I don't know till I see Charlie Evans tonight."
She said "what's Charlie Evans going to do?" I said "He doesn't
know 'till he sees me - we've got to talk it over." She said
"Talk what over?" I said "Post-war plans." She said "what's
them?" I said "That means future plans - we - we'll meet tonight
at the local at eight o'clock, and by closing time we might
have a very good idea of how we stand." "Well", she said "neither
of you had any idea of how you stood at closing time last
night. And," she said, "on Peace Night you got mixed up in
a fight." I said "Well, blimey, if you can't have a fight
on Peace Night, when can you?"
But trying to find work now the war is over isn't going to
be too easy - there's so few jobs the Missus can do. I did
call at a factory the other day, and I very nearly got a job.
I saw Bill Wills... (strong audience reaction here - obviously
a well-known member of staff). Ah! Now, one - one of the nicest...
he said, he said "Have you had your dinner?" I said "No" -
he said "We have!" He said, he said "You're a bit late turning
up aren't you?", he said, "Where do you think we'd all be
if we were all like you?" I said "well, I'm very fond of Southend
myself, but..." He said "Well", he said "if I do take you
on" he said "I might, I might have to put you in the Women's
section. But" he said "you seem a bit too old for that." I
said "Oh, I don't know!" I said "What do... what do you work
at yourself?" He said "Me? Me?" he said "I don't work, I'm
the Foreman." I said "Ah, well anything like that'll do me,"
I said. He said "Anyhow," he said "I may be able to give you
a start in a week or two."
And so I went home, and I told the Missus. I didn't tell her
right away, because she hasn't been too well lately, but when
she came to, she said "And you're going to start work?" She
said "Ooh, if my poor mother could only have lived to see
this day..." and then swooned off again.
Well, now, I did think of taking a pub, and I said to the
Missus, "If I do", I said, "that Charlie Evans, he'll come
in with me." She said "That'd be nothing new - he always does!"
I said "No, you don't under-", I said "When I say he'll come
in with me, I mean he'll come in with me on a sharing basis."
She said "What sharing basis?" I said "I don't know - it'll
all depend on what supplies we get." Then she said "Don't
forget there's a lot of worry about... and what about shortages?
Some days," she said, "the pubs have no beer at all!" Oh lumme,
she does get morbid... And only the o... oh! Good gracious
me, look at the - I should - they've been open three minutes!
Charlie will have the needle... I've never been as late as
this before - I must be off - tata! I'll see you later - so
long! |
|
