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I'M NINETY-FOUR THIS MORNIN'
by
Will Fyffe (1921)

It's nice to sit down when you're nintey-four, Down by the kitchen fire,
And think o' the times you used to have, And the girls that you admire.
But a farmer's life's a healthy life, I feel as good as new,
And I'll bet a bob you'll be surpris'd at what I'll tell to you.

CHORUS:
I'm ninety-four this mornin', Aye, I'm ninety-four today.
I'm not so young as I used to be, I'm gettin' old and grey.
But my heart is young, and I'm fond of fun, And I'm very proud to say
That I'm gettin' married on Thursday Tho' I'm ninety-four today.

Of course down in the village It will be a big surprise,
The people think it's all a joke, That the minister's telling lies.
Oh! But we will get the laugh at them, As sure as I'm alive,
For there'll maybe be a christ'ning yet Before I'm ninety-five.

PATTER:
Aye, ninety-four this mornin' at twenty-six minutes past four. Aye, and I'm feeling as well and as fit as ever I was in all my days. And I'm gettin' married again. You know there's a lot of people surprised at me gettin' married again, and goin' in for this "Blue Lagoon"business at my time of life. But I don't see anything to laugh at. A farmer's life's a very healthy life, you know. I consider that a man that's lived on a farm all his life, he's as good a man at ninety as a man that's lived in the city at forty. There's not much temptation in a wee sleepy village like this, you know. And mind ye, I'm expecting a lotof presents, cos I'm well connected; aye,and well respected too. I'm a town-councillor in this place here, and altho' I say it mysel', this is a very progressive place, very progressive. We're thinking of doing away with candles, and using paraffin oil before long. There's only one thing that's troubling me about gettin' married again- it's the bairns. Oh, I've been married before, you know! I've been married before, and I've gotthree boys. Aye, and fine lads too. Let me see now, there's the oldest one,that's Donal' he'll be, what?- seventy-two, aye, seventy-two. Oh, but a very steady lad, tho', a steady lad.
Then the next one,- that's Peter. He's sixty-four. He's turning out a bit of a knut. He didn't come home till half-past-nine last night. He's beginning to flutter his wings a wee bit, I'm thinking.
Then there's the bairn. That's little Alec - wee Eck. He's fifty. Oh, he's a terrible lad, an awful comic! He'll not work, you know. No, no; nothing but play. I saw him down the road just now, on his scooter. He's a terrible boy. I don't think I'll ever be able to rear that lad somehow. Mind ye, I had no intention of gettin' married again. No, I thought I'dhave ended my days in peace. It was just through a conversation I overheard between my three lads that decided me to du what I'm goin' to do. I was passing by the kitchen about a month ago when I heard them speaking about me. They were discussin' when I was goin' to hop it. I heard the oldest one say, "Boys, the old chap's gettin' very frail!"
Then they started to divide up all my property before I was dead.
Ah, ah.said I, if that's your gamy, I'll spoil your plans for you. So that's what I'm goin' to do.I'm goin' to get married.
So, don't run away with the idea that it's a case of love, as far as I'm concerned. It's not love... spite!

CHORUS:
I'm ninety-four this mornin', Aye, I'm ninety-four today.
I'm not so young as I used to be, I'm gettin' old and grey.
But my heart is young, and I'm fond of fun, And I'm very proud to say
That I'm gettin' married on Thursday Tho' I'm ninety-four today.

 
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