THE GLUTTON
by L.E. Baggaley & Herbert Townsend Seven hundred years odd, next August Skegness got a bit of a shock When a great crowd of fellers on horses Were seen gathered under the clock At first it were thought t'were an Outing Till somebody spotted King John Who were hiding away from the Barons On account of a row that were on Now King, he were one for a frolic So after a gallon of beer He announced he were going Mixed Bathing With a lass he'd got off with on pier They borrowed a tandem from garage And Mabel said 'Let's be off Jack' So they started and she took the front half While King took it easy on back In less than an hour sea were sighted Tide weren't as far out as they'd thought And Mabel soon popped on her costume While John donned an old crown he'd brought They splashed and cut all sorts of capers Not taking much notice of tide Till the King, who were getting a thirst on Commenced out of water to stride When he came to look round for his rainment T'were a most tragic moment for John T'was all swep' away, save his trousers Aye, even his Scout belt was gone 'Now ain't that annoying' cried monarch 'I'm sure I can't walk through the town And be seen amongst crowds of my subjects In a pair of grey flannels and crown' 'We must walk down the sands until nightfall I'm certain t'will be more discreet Then when it gets dark we'll go inland And happen get something to eat' So when they had reached a pub safely And a nice fire was warming their feet The king asked 'Hast got any lampreys? Then bring us two surfeits, toot sweet.' Now king, he was partial to lampreys And soon finished his little pile And were helping the lass with her plateful A_laughing and chatting the while He'd forgot for a bit that his armour Were every bit swep' out to sea And the bit round his middle, like corsets Had its use when he'd had a big tea Now lampreys are 'prone to expansion' Which means, when they're eaten, they swell And the king muttered 'Ich Dien', or summat like that Which meant he weren't feeling too well The landlord were just saying to swineherd 'Nay lad, that's no fly, that's a hop' When there came from direction of parlour The sound of a very loud 'pop' The landlord took one look round portal Then shut it with never a word In fact he said nowt, till he'd drunk half a pint 'To the health of King Henry the Third'
The end