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WHAT A MOUTH
by
R.P. Weston (1906)

Jimmy Binks would a been an 'ansome fella
If he'd had another face and a different smeller,
But his mouth, queered him, from winning in a beauty show,
It looks just like a steam boat funnel, or a railway arch, or the
Blackwall tunnel, And you can't, see Jim, when he opens it wide, you know.
And as our Jimmy goes a-walkin' about,
You can 'ear the kids all 'ollerin' out,

What a mouth, What a mouth, What a North and South
Blimey, what a mouth he's got,
When he was a baby Oh Lord Lovell,
Why is poor old mother used to feed 'im with a shovel,
What a gap, poor chap, he's never been known to larf
For if he did, it's a penny to a quid that his face would fall in 'alf!

Now Jimmy Bink's mouth it ain't all honey
He can whisper in his own ear ain't that funny
But to lay, the dust, he has to drink a lot oh my
He got so tight one foggy morning he laid in the road and started yawning
and a poor, old man, was delivering coal near by
He saw Jim's mouth out in the road
and into it he shot his load.

What a mouth what a mouth what a north and south
Blimey what a mouth he's got
Now the coalman he was a short sighted fella
When he saw Jim's mouth he thought it was a cellar
And he shot, the lot, right into Jim's mouth no joke
Now Jim poor soul's got a belly full of coal
And he's coughing up lumps of coke

In the tap room of the Rose and Thistle
Jimmy went one night for to whet his whistle
And to do, it well, he has to drink a dozen pots
First a dozen pots of beer he'll swallow
And then as his teeth at the back are hollow
He has still, got room, for twelve or more rum tots
A new barmaid came there one night
She saw Jim's mouth and yelled with fright.

What a mouth what a mouth what a north and south
Blimey what a mouth he's got
It made Jim jump when the barmaid hollered
And his pewter pot he accidently swallowed
It was hot, that pot, it melted and now he sits
Down by the fire wiv a little bit o' wire
'Hooking up two-bob bits

Now Jimmy Binks wife had such a luv'ly baby
Wiv a mouth as big as Jim's or larger maybe
An I shan't, forget, the day he's cut one tooth
Now when his mum heard baby blubber for a
Nice hard teat that was made of rubber
She at once, took him, down the chemist and that's the truth
They could not get inside the door
Till they shut that baby's mouth - Oh lor.

What a mouth what a mouth what a north and south
Blimey what a mouth he's got
As baby's teething said his mummy
Oh please sir give me a penny rubber dummy
Said the cove, by jove, as he sucked on a big ju-jube
There's no rubber tit for a penny that'll fit
He wants the tuppenny tube

Now one night Jimmy Binks lay snoring
All the neighbours round about thought a lion was roaring
And the old, Dutch clock, that was hanging on the bedroom wall
Fell into Jim's mouth with a crash bang wallop
Jimmy woke up, cried out, call Doctor Jollop
But his wife, said no, it's only the clock that's all
And now the neighbours, ain't it prime
Looks down Jim's throat to tell the time

What a mouth what a mouth what a north and south
Blimey what a mouth he's got
Now the works of the old Dutch clock keep whizzin
Round his rum-tum-tummy like a lot of sherbet fizzin'
An his wife, what strife, can't sleep at night you know
'Cos the pen-du-lum keeps banging on his tum
As it's swinging to and fro.

 
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