1966 AND ALL THAT JAZZ
by
Peter Robinson (1966)

From the Lancashire Evening Telegraph dated 28th March 1966, just three days before the General Election:

THE GENERAL ELECTION IS REALLY ALL A QUESTION OF RHYME AND REASONING.

21 year old Colne man, Mr Peter Robinson, of Parker Street, has produced an amusing commentary on the approaching General Election which I think is well worth repeating. A monologue, written in the style of the great Stanley Holloway, it takes a light hearted and unbiased view of 1966 and all that. Mr Robinson, incidentally, is, at present, a student at St John's College, York.
You've heard of the General Election,
As happened in year '64.
When Harold became head of England,
And the Tories were shown the back door.

The Tories were quite nice about it,
They felt that they needed a rest,
They had governed the country for ages,
And given the people their best.'

Harold was thrilled by his conquest,
(He really expected a crown)
'We'll govern old England together,'
He said to his pal Georgie Brown.

As he sat at the head of the table,
He looked so stately and grand,
He surveyed all his ministers around him,
In his chair, with his pipe, in his hand.

But Harold was not very happy,
He thought he could not do his best,
For when he came to count up his numbers,
He had only three o'er the rest.

Then one cold day in the winter
Harold who was always a toff,
Having no debates on at the moment,
Had given his lads the day off.

They'd all taken a bus ride t' Margate,
When George said in Harold's big ear,
'Let's go and put t’breeze up Tories,'
Said Harold, 'By gum! that's an idea.'

So he called all his MP’s together
And lifted his quiet northern voice
'Hands up, who wants an election?'
That was swank ‘cos they hadn't no choice.

They started the battle in earnest.
And Harold was sure of success,
He said after 13 years of Tories,
The country was in a right mess.

At this Ted rose cool but angry,
And said, 'Give us none of your cheek,
You'd best have No. 10 decorated
I'll be wanting to use it next week!'

When Harold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words at t' Tories.
To which Ted replied, 'And you!'

Tories had nowt in their favour,
Their chances of victory seemed small,
National opinion were against ‘em
And so was 'Gallop' an’ all.

The country were split in two parties,
No one knew just where to tread,
One half shouted, 'Good old Harold,'
The others hollered, 'Come along Ted.'

Ted summoned his friends in't west country,
From Bristol, Bath, Gloucester and Frome
And also a lot of relations from Scotland
Who’d come south and wouldn’t go home.

The north counties rallied round Harold
Where his cause had support of the masses
And his promise of loot brought a lot of recruits
From more of the working classes.

The big day was not long coming.
To the polls the people did go,
First Harold then Ted would be leading
With never a glimmer of hope for Jo.

After the counting were over,
The Tories rejoiced at their score.
They had three hundred and two, which wasn't so bad,
As t’others had three hundred and four!

'What about another election,' said Harold.
Jo said, 'Nay, not today.'
And Ted said 'Aye, well let's toss up.'
'Good idea,' Harold answers, 'Okay'

They tossed, it were heads for Labour
And tails for t’other way 'bout,
HaroId lent them 'is two headed penny,
So the answer was never in doubt.

When penny came down head side uppards,
Just as Harold had planned
He knew he’d be sitting in power next week
In his chair... with his pipe... in his hand.

The end