As she listened to 'is explanation,
'Is mother, though not overjoyed,
Thought "At least it'll give the lad summat to do,
'E' s bin three an' 'alf years unemployed!"

For t' next couple of weeks 'e goes knockin' on doors
An' pesterin' folks sat at 'ome,
Till, one night 'e knocks t' door of this ee-normous villa
In Aston (that's t' posh part of Rome).

"I'm sorry, young man," says the butler,
"But the master is playing his lyre,
'Cos they haven't invented the violin yet.
He's on t' balcony, watching this fire."

Says Androckles "Look, I've got to see 'im.
I've a mesage, it's urgent, from God!"
Says the butler, "I'll inform the master."
But thought "He's got no chance, poor sod!"

So the butler 'e gets up to t' balcony
As the donkey-drawn Fire Brigade came. (Hee-haw, hee-haw.)
They were just gettin' t' fire well under control,
When it started persistin' wi' rain.
  "I'm bored." Nero says, "What dost tha want?"
"So sorry to trouble you sir, but,
There's a gentleman wishing to see you,
Some kind of a ree-ligious nut."

"Ah! Bring 'im up 'ere." Nero tells 'im,
"What a stroke of good fortune, bah gum.
We're at 'ome to the Christians this Sat'day,
But they've phoned up to say they can't come."

Androckles comes up an' reads Nero some scriptures
An' went on an' went on an' went on
An' went on an' went on an' went on an' went on
An' went on an' went on an' went on.

Nero thanked 'im for showin' 'im where 'e' d gone wrong,
Then said "Sorry, I've got to dash, mate.
I'm attending an orgy this evening
An' it looks bad if I turn up late."

Then Androckles says " 'Ere, I thought it were thee.
Tha's Nero, bless thy cotton socks!
It's thee ..... Colosseum ..... at ev'ry 'ome match,
Tha sits up in t' Directors' Box!"
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