Dave Carr

They thought Noah was sick in the brain
When they overheard what he was saying.
'I must finish this ark
Before it goes dark,
As the weather man said it might rain.'

Then a rustling was heard in the trees.
Noah thought it was only the breeze;
'Till he looked up and saw,
Coming in through the door,
Two bats and two birds and two bees.

There came beasts from all over the land.
Noah said 'This is not what I'd planned.
My cabin is full
With two bears and a bull
There's hardly enough room to stand.'

Noah cried out 'Any more!'
And a gibbon replied 'Mr. Noah.
If you could just wait
For me and my mate.
She's ugly but such a good rower.'

They were just casting off from the jetty,
When someone cried 'where's the yeti?'
Then running up the sand
There arrived hand in hand,
Just in time, two yetis all sweaty.

The problem with driving an ark
Is it's hard to reverse in the dark;
You can go without lights,
For at least forty nights,
Before you find somewhere to park.

The monkey was out of his tree
He said 'this is not fair to me.
I know space is tight,
But I don't think it's right
To be sharing my bunk with a flea.'

Noah called down to the shark,
'There's no place for you on this ark.'
Said the shark, 'You old fool.
Have you not built a pool?'
And he swam off to sulk in the dark

Noah said, 'Here's some friendly advice.
The toilets are not very nice.
Don't push for the loo.
Form an orderly queue.
And the elephants - please flush it twice.'

Noah said 'I can tell where we are
By looking at the North Star.
We're on a big pond,
In the back of beyond,
And I don't think we've gone very far.'

After three days the weather was mean,
And the ark would sway, tilt and lean.
'Ewe!' a sheep cried,
Leaning over the side,
And a pair of chameleons turned green.

The yetis said 'Don't forget,
We want to get off at Tibet.'
They left on a raft.
Noah thought they were daft.
They're probably still drifting yet.

The woodpeckers started to peck
'Till they'd made a big hole in the deck.
A voice from inside said,
'This sunroof's so wide,
It will let the giraffe stretch his neck.'

The elephant went to complain
When his deck chair collapsed with the strain.
'Call this a cruise?
Just look at my bruise!
I wish now that I'd taken the train.'

Noah woke up one night in his bunk
To the horrible smell of a skunk.
He swore and he cursed,
But was glad, 'cos at first,
He'd thought it was something he'd drunk.

The giraffe said, 'I feel rather daft;
But my neck's in a bit of a draught;
So I've knitted pyjamas
With wool from the llamas.'
The hyenas saw them and laughed.

The camel was down in the dumps.
He'd a puncture in both of his humps.
It didn't last long,
'Cos Noah came along,
And blew them up with the bilge pumps.

'I'll be the chef,' said the duck.
'I'm a world famous Cordon Bleu cook.
For omelettes and pasta,
I'm known as the master;
But I'll have to refer to my book.'

The penguin was sick of being waiter
He didn't get to eat until later.
They were always complaining
It never stopped raining,
He even snapped back at the 'gator.

The peacock said 'waiter please,
Kindly explain what are these?
My omelette is lumpy.'
The waiter was grumpy
He simply mumbled, 'hard cheese.'

They mixed up some food for the yak
From some meal that they found in a sack
They made a huge bowlful;
It smelled really awful
And all those who tried it said 'Yak!'

Noah said, 'I've just checked the stocks
And there's plenty of food in the box.'
Said the lion 'Oh no!
If that really is so,
Perhaps I shouldn't be roasting this ox.'

Noah sent out the dove to look round
And try to locate solid ground.
He brought back a branch
And some olives for lunch;
Noah said, 'just look what he's found.'

Very soon the water had gone
And they all came ashore every one;
But after the flood,
Noah never understood,
Where the four hundred rabbits came from.
The end