Then I thought I would travel a little bit farther,
And the Rugby club bar I would give a look-see,
And sure enough I fell in with a great bunch of fellas,
Who looked like them wrasslers you'd see on TV.

They talked of fly halves with funny-shaped balls,
And men with loose heads and lineouts and scrums,
They kept getting down and hugging each other,
And sticking their heads between other's bums!

Now one of the biggest came over, and told me
These boys are all forwards, and men with no fears,
I thought to myself that they looked a bit backward,
For they all had flat noses, and cauliflower ears!

If the forwards were backward, the backs were more forward,
And the three-quarters looked like they'd been in a ruck,
The prop had to lean on the bar to stay upright,
And the fullback was so full that he didn't give a damn!

Now your man tells me this fella here is a hooker,
Indicating a young man exceedingly large,
  I'd never met a MAN from that noble profession,
So I thought I would ask him how much did he charge!

This innocent question seemed to greatly annoy him -
Maybe he had not been long in the trade!
But he called me for all the bad names he could think of,
A nasty and noisy abusive tirade!

Now I wanted to hit him a belt on the head,
To show the big bugger how angry I felt,
But I'd have needed to stand on a chair just to reach him,
So I drew up, and gave him the head in the belt!

The barman, he charged round the bar like a rhino,
He refused to accept that it all was a lark,
Grabbed me by the neck and the arse of the trousers,
And landed me half way across the car park!

Well, then I got thinking some more on the subject,
That the bar in the Golf Club might suit to a tee,
I fell in right away with a great bunch of fellas,
The dacentest craythurs you ever would see.
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