Now, oul' Jimmy was laughin' his scone off
He had made it all up for a gag
He'd seen what was stoppin' the engine -
The feed-pipe was blocked with a rag!

But he sticks the oul' hands in the pockets
An' he says `Aye, I'll give yez a han'!
I'll knock yes one up in the mornin'
An' the whole bloody thing will be grand!'

So oul' Jim starts to work the next morning
To make what he called a Steam Trap,
An oul' box an' a few bits of tubing
An' a steam gauge stuck up on the top,

An' he welds it all on to the engine
And he says to the wonderin' mob
As long as that gauge is at zero
The Steam Trap is doin' its job!'

Then he pulls the rag outa the feed pipe
An' he gives the oul' engine a try
An' bejasus! she goes like the clappers
An' oul' Jimmy remarks `That's her nye!'

Now the ship was the fastest seen ever
So they sent her away to the Turks

  But they toul' them `That Steam Trap's a secret!
We're the only ones knows how it works!

But the Turks they could not keep their mouths shut
An' soon the whole story got roun'
An' the Russians got quite interested...
Them boys has their ears to the groun'!

So they sent a spy dressed as a sailor
To take photies of Jimmy's Steam Trap
And they got them all back to the Kremlin
An' they stood round to look at the snaps.

Then the head spy says `Mr Kosygin!
I'm damned if I see how that works!
So they sent him straight off to Siberia
An' they bought the whole ship from the Turks!

When they found the Steam Trap was a `cod', like,
They couldn't admit they'd been had
So they built a big factory in Moscow
To start makin' Steam Traps like mad!

Then Kosygin rings up Mr Nixon
And he says `Youse'uns thinks yez are great!
But wi' our big new Russian-made Steam Trap
Yez'll find that we've got yez all bate!'

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