Frank Daniel
Canowindra, NSW, Australia

The Dunny is an icon of Australia. Dunnies belonged in backyards until modernisation saw them move indoors but the real dunny in the bush remained up the back for much longer, and still exists in a lot of country areas. The old one-holer was a common sight, but there existed a good number of two-holers such as :

Doyle owned a service station on a God-forsaken track,
twas somewhere up the country, just a little bit outback.
Travellers often came his way, and surely when they did
they d be busting for the dunny, every woman, man and kid.

Most blokes were ever happy just to go behind a tree
but folks elite would much prefer a toilet when they pee.
But trees were rare on Doyley's plain, not one for fifty kays,
whilst privacy behind a car was not part of their ways.

The double-dunny Doyley owned, to most, was quite a treat,
and lady-like, all dainty dames would have to have a seat.
But duets on the dunny didn t favour everyone -
except on odd occasions such as mother, daughter, son.

Old Doyley was a crafty one and always loved a joke;
he always had a welcome smile and yarn each time he spoke;
he d tell outrageous stories that went far beyond belief;
and make blokes laugh and lose control before they d had relief.

One time a little family from the east coast passing through,
forgot their youngster s little toy - thought Doyley, what to do?
He found this item rather odd, in fact a trifle strange,
a plastic walkie-talkie set with modest half mile range.

But how to handle such a thing, when living all alone?
With no one else to talk to it was useless on his own.
The old place needed jazzing up, he thought he d try a prank;
he screwed one handpiece to the loo beneath the sitting plank

The first old girl to use the dyke, most unsuspectingly
sat calmly on the wooden throne until, surprisingly,
she up and bolted out the door along the waiting queue,
a bounding like a boomer as most hobbled ladies do.

Her old man quickly ran her down, and asked the reason why
she took off from the dunny with her strides below her thigh.
She swore she heard a fellow speak from down below her rear -
Please use the other hole, old girl -- I'm painting under here!
The end