FOOTBALL
by
Alan Lavercombe
  There's a game that you'll 'appen 'ave 'eard of,
Noble, ancient traditional game.
Some reckon t' were what Stonehenge were built for
And that t' rules are still more or less t' same.

But nobody knows when it started,
Least nobody's certain at all.
Some reckon that it were the very same day
Somebody invented the ball.

Well, its origins got lost in antiquity
Till an 'undred an' some odd years back
At a loony bin just outside Wigan
When security got a bit slack.

See, one Sat'day, this new warder noticed
All the inmates 'ad just ..... disappeared.
'E says to 'is mate, Sam "If the Guv'nor finds out ..... "
Sam says "Shut up, and deal, Never fear!"

"But if 'e finds 'em all missing an' absent 'an gone,
Bloody 'ell, 'e'll 'ave us skinned alive!"
"Don't worry." says Sam, "It's the same ev'ry week.
They always get back before five."

Now, just at that moment, the Guv'nor walks in.
"Where's t' patients?" 'e did loudly remark.
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