Well, he landed with a plate of stuff, the size of a manhole cover.
It looked just like a pancake that someone had boked over!
Says I, 'Is this recycled?', for bejaysus I'd have swore
That it looked as though it had been ate at least the once before!

Well, I tried me best till cut it, but it stuck together like glue,
There was cheese all down my trousers, and tomatoes on my shoe.
I didn't get the half of it, although I tried me very best,
It was just like sucking chewing gum from out of a string vest!

Then one week we went Chinese, which caused a puzzled frown.
For the menu had wee pictures, and was written up and down!
I pointed at this item that looked like a Christmas tree
And a thingy with it's leg cocked up, like a wee dog having a pee.

  The waiter brought a bowl of stuff that looked like thinnish mud,
With lumps of stuff that floated – I don't think it was a spud!
He says 'That there is bird's nest soup – it is really quite refined',
Well, it tasted like the bird had flown, but had left a lot behind!

Then we got big bowls of rice, with lovely lumps of pork,
But they gave us a couple of bits o' sticks, instead of a knife and fork!
I was rummaging about with these, chasing this and that,
But half of it landed down my shirt, and the rest was on the mat!

Then we tried the Mexicans, with peppers green and red,
And things they called tortillas that looked like pirta bread,
They had tacos and burritos, enchiladas and all that,
And stuff that they called chilli, but bejapers, it was HOT!

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