But the final straw was the Indian place, called the Star of Old Bengal,
The waiter's head was bandaged up – he must have had a fall.
We had this stuff called vindaloo – looked like liquid yellow man,
I dunno where the 'VIN' came from, but the 'LOO', I understand!

Well, I started for till ate it, and the sweat began to pour.
It was running down the sheugh o' me arse, and dripping on the floor!
Well, I opened up me collar, and I threw me coat away,
But I was steaming like a dunghill, opened on a frosty day.

We were all back in the motor, heading out for home,
When I noticed things was not quite right, in the nether region zone.
Well, me belt began to tighten, and me face began to frown,
For I could feel things start to loosen, a wee bit lower down!

  I was sitting there with buttocks clenched, shouting 'faster faster',
For the pressure gauge was in the red, and coming near disaster!
The car had not stopped rolling, when I burst out of the back,
And hit the door like the Drug Squad, raiding a house for 'crack'

There was buttons flying right and left, as I charged along the hall,
It I'd been a second slower, I'd have pebble-dashed the wall!
The wife came banging on the door, roaring off her head,
But I shouted 'Jasus, Woman, it's coming out like thread!'

I've been sitting waiting for a break, for over half an hour,
I've got a hump across my back like a wee calf with the scour!
You'd need to get me a bloody cork, if you really need to go,
But she says, 'I've used it for myself – I've already filled the po!'
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