Well, I headed off right early, but just as the train was stopping,
I got this sudden awful urge – I NEEDED to go SHOPPING!
I just could not control myself, so I had to sit back down,
And got off at Great Victoria St, and headed down the town!

The sale was on at Debenhams, and so I simply had to stop,
Some things cost only TWICE as much as they would in a normal shop.
They had all these great designer clothes, laid out on this big table.
Twenty quid for a pair of jeans, plus fifty for the label.
I must have spent an hour or two, in women’s underwear,
I was strangely drawn to garments that I knew I couldn’t wear
I got a lot of funny looks from all them city slickers,
Feeling all the brassieres, and stretching all the knickers,
I wandered round soft furnishings, with great deliberating
Their range of scatter cushions was quite simply fascinating
  I bought a mat for beside the fire, to cover a wee burnt patch,
Then I had to get new curtains, because the old ones didn’t match.
And then I saw a three-piece suite, that would suit them all so nice,
And I saved a ball of money, ‘cos the mat was just half price!
I headed for the shoe shop, ‘cos I hadn’t a thing to wear,
It took the most of the afternoon to choose the right five pair.
I got myself a couple of suits, ‘cos mine was not that great
I had got it from a bomb-damage, in nineteen seventy-eight
I got myself a wardrobe – a flatpack from MFI,
The last one I attempted was enough to make you cry.
It leaned a kinda sideways, and I could not get in the rails
It ended up I had to fix it with a wheen of three inch nails
But this time it was easy, it did not break my heart
I just read the instructions, before I made a start!
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