Big Fat Boring Bishops, dressed up like a silly twit
Binmen getting MBEs, for a lifetime shovelling . . . rubbish
The Royal Variety performance – One does not like to bitch
But most are only on TV to make Simon Cowell rich
One’s children are no comfort – they cause One endless strife
The eldest talks to vegetables - which may explain his wife!
The second son got married to that loud, red-headed girl
And the youngest is an actor – as far as One can tell.
All those awful trips abroad – the strange things one sees and hears
Yet another jolly tribal dance – huge painted chaps with spears
Young girls with all their wobbly bits bouncing in a ring
One has to watch One’s husband – he likes that kind of thing!
Those walkabouts in Africa, in the burning midday sun
The sweat is clinging to One’s back, and running down One’s bum!
Those endless foreign banquets – strange foods to make One choke
  If One sees another baked sheep’s eye, One feels like One will boke!
And those awful foreign Diplomats – some have simply got no class
That bounder Berlusconi actually tried to grope One’s ass!
The opening day of Parliament – do we really need it?
You think that speech is boring – One has to blooming READ it!
Black Rod walks right in front of One, in tight trousers of black satin
An Anus Horriblis – and One is NOT speaking Latin!
Of course it used to be much worse – One hates to make a scene,
But that dreadful Thatcher person- she thought that SHE was Queen!
And Blair, forever grinning - Wilson, Heath, and Douglas Hogg
One even knew Old Churchill – the real one – not that dog!
Of course One has One’s horses – One enjoys a good hard ride
A thoroughbred between one’s legs is constant source of pride
One rides a sensible old mare, who would not do something silly
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