But One’s Husband likes a canter on a friskier young filly!
One’s little dogs are fun, of course – they try to bite the staff
Too short to reach the footman’s bum, but it does give One a laugh!
The Corgis come from Wales, of course – it might be because of that
That they do things on the carpet, and try to shag the cat!
One asked one’s husband how he copes – Tall chap? Phil the Greek!
He shouted ‘Dammit Woman, is your brain completely weak?
You should get yourself half plastered before you start the day,
And keep some in your handbag, to make sure you stay that way!
The Old Queen Mum, she knew the way to keep that happy grin
No wonder she kept smiling – she was full of bloody gin!
Could you not smell the blasted stuff - the pong was hard to miss?
She was over ninety years of age – One thought the smell was piss!

  So One thought One might try his advice – follow it to the letter
And being Queen is FUN again – One’s life is SO much better,
One just has a couple of stiff ones, before One starts the day
And re-fuels from One’s Handbag, at the stops along the way.
One nips off to the toilet, and swallows a quick gin
It has all been freshly painted, so no one can smell a thing!
Of course, One tries to match the drink to what One does that day
Create some interest in the job, I suppose, as One might say
If One should be in France, perhaps, a Beaujolais Neuveau
Or if One is going to Scotland – a wee Bell’s, ‘Afore Ye Go’
And if One is going to Lurgan – One should be so unlucky
One’s maid can have a paper bag, containing a bottle of Bucky!
So being Queen is fun again – One greets each day anew,
One sees life through a pleasant haze, thanks to the Devil’s Brew
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