"Sam Arkwright, come in lad, tha's turned up tha toes.
Bah gum Sam, tha's not all that old,
An' judgin' by t' way tha keeps wipin' tha nose,
I' d say that tha'd caught t' death of cold."

"Aye, I did that." says Sam, "It were lashin' it down,
Like stair-rods, tha knows what I mean."
"Sam, tha should listen to t' weather forecasts.
Let me guess, tha'd left t' mac in t' canteen?"

"Ere, 'ow d' yer know that?" says Sam Arkwright.
"It were luvv'ly at quarter to four.
Come on! 'Ow d' yer know I'd left t' mac in t' canteen?"
"Well, tha see Sam, it's been done before."

"There's many an 'istoric figure
'As come to an untimely end
From leavin' 'is mac in a canteen.
Tha' s far from the first one, my friend."

"Now, the first bloke to do it were Adam,
Left 'is mac in t' canteen, next to Eve's.
If they'd caught t' death of cold we'd not be 'ere today,
But they run up some macs from fig leaves.
  An' another case was Julius Caesar,
I remember it well, March fifteen.
Alas an' alack, 'e turned back for 'is mac,
An' got stabbed in t' back in t' canteen.

Then, in 1066, aye, King 'Arold,
Stone dead afore 'e's 'it t' floor.
Tha see, 'e'd completely forgotten
They'd a dartboard be'ind t' canteen door.

King Richard the Third were at Bosworth'
If tha can just picture the scene.
"A mac, a mac, my Kingdom for a mac,
I've gone an' left mine in t' canteen."

Look what 'appened to Sir Walter Raleigh,
Wot done that good deed for 'is Queen.
Wi' no thanks from Queen Bess, it looked a right mess.
Said "I should 'ave left this in t' canteen."

1666, down in London,
This fella came in out of t' rain,
'Ung 'is mac up beside t' canteen heater.
'E were baker, worked down Pudding Lane.
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