Though he faltered just a little in his Sermon — just a bit;
His nerves were almost shattered by the time he ended it.

And when the Mass was over, he revealed his nervous plight.
But Monsignor reassured him, told him how to set things right.
‘When next you make a sermon, just beside your water glass,
Place a tumbler full of Vodka, just to help your troubles pass.

And when you feel the jitters coming, take a little sip,
You’ve done very well today my son! Remember now my tip!
Next Sunday was a ripper, the Faithful couldn’t all fit in!
Those standing in the front yard though, were still absolved of sin!

Father Willy went to town, his Gospel was first class
With a tumbler full of fortitude standing by his glass.
But the nerves came down upon him as he stood there in the pulpit.

  And instead of taking little sips, poor Will began to gulp it.

His voice became all slurry and his stance somewhat cock-eyed,
And his message to the brethren had them laughin’ way outside.
He became quite incoherent, though the funny bits were clear,
Instead of ten - Will had twelve commandments we should fear.

And when only eight Apostles got a mention in his list
Paddy Murphy said ‘Fer sure, that little bugger’s hissed’.
Where Jacob wagered on his donkey, Will said he bet his ass,
Then laid the odds that it would rain before the end of Mass.

And when David slew Goliath, just to save the Israelites,
Will said he kicked Hell out of him to win the bloody fight.
He started talking feral, much the way the Hippies do,
And Jesus Christ became J.C. — Each word of this is true!

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