I said "Excuse me for asking,
Which dentist did those two crowns?
I can recommend a good blacksmith,
If you're wanting 'em trimmed or filed down"

Count said "Now lad, I'm still thirsty,
And I do like the look of your neck.
Your garlic bread holds no fear for me;
Come along now - just a quick peck"

He drifted idly towards me
And held me transfixed with his eye;
I was just about running on empty
As his fangs started bleeding me dry

It was then that we both heard a cock crow
And fear flashed across his red eyes;
We'd got carried away with the banter
And the daybreak crept up by surprise

Quickly I pulled back the curtain
And the room was all flooded with light;
T' Count turned a peculiar colour
And started to tremble with fright.
  I rummaged around in my sports bag
And said "This is my kind of bat.”
I hammered a wicket right through his chest
Triumphantly shouting "Owz'at!"

His face wore a puzzled expression
As he started to shrink where he stood
'Till all that was left was a cloak and two fangs
In a pool of half clotted blood.

All in all t'were an interesting weekend;
On reflection things could have been worse.
I had a free trip out to Europe
But I had to drive back in the hearse.

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