Hugh McCallion
Oul Paddy had been very ill, he hadn't slept for days,
So Bridget called the doctor in to check on his disaise.
The doctor took his stethoscope and checked him fore an' aft.
Said Bridget: 'Can you cure him, Sir, before he drives me daft?'

Oul Paddy groaned impatiently: 'Shure woman won't you cease;
Just let the doctor do his job an' lave us both in peace.'
The doctor nodded knowingly, then unto Paddy said:
'You've got a chest infection, you'll have to stay in bed.'

'I guessed as much,' said Bridget, that's more than just a cold;
Now listen to the doctor an' do as you are told.
If it wasn't for me, doctor, he wouldn't be alive,
For when it comes to medicines he'll neither lead nor drive!'

Oul Paddy kept his temper, albeit only just,
For interfarin' wimmin annoyed him fit to bust.
'These tablets I'm prescribing,' said Doctor Michael Hayes,
'Should cure the inflammation; take two, alternate days.'

Now Bridget eyed him quizzically, and so indeed did Pat,
Said she: 'This word 'alternate' now what is meant by that?'
'It's easy,' said the doctor; 'just think of it like this,
As two a day then skip a day; be careful not to miss.'

Both Pat and Bridget understood this alternate description,
Then Bridget hurried to the store with Doctor Mike's prescription.
But medic Mike had quite a shock when, two weeks to the day,
Bridget called to tell him that Pat had passed away.

Now did he take the tablets?' he earnestly enquired.
'If he followed my instructions he shouldn't have expired.'
'Ach shure I told him doctor them tablets were the best,
That two a day then skip a day would soon clear up his chest.'

The doctor said: 'I cannot see why Pat did not get better.
You followed my instructions right to the very letter.'
Ah, that I did,' said Bridget, 'I took them home and drilled 'im.
Them tablets might have done the job - shure 'twas the skippin' killed 'im!'
The end