She was mean and she was wild, she was Aphrodite's child,
And it soon took its toll on Rabid Stu;
But she'd all sorts in her larder to revive his flagging ardour,
And on top of that she'd read a thing or two.

She fed him oysters every night, to keep his flame alight,
And it's rumoured she was sacrificing goats.
She served him steak tartare, and quails eggs with caviar
But she always made sure she had her oats.

For their love life to survive, she'd have to up his drive,
What she wanted was the famous rhino horn;
So she sent him out one night, with his penknife and Maglight
Then she sat down with a book to read 'till morn.

He returned before the dawn, and he clutched the bloody horn;
He was breathless and his skin was black and blue.
His clothes were ripped to shreds as he collapsed onto the bed,
And his Swiss army knife was broke in two.
  She took a hefty file and she struggled for a while,
That tough old horn was difficult to break;
But she ground the fetish up in a little marble cup,
Then tipped the lot onto a T-bone steak.

She propped up Rabid Stu and helped him to come to;
Then she fed him with the potent mix:
But he couldn't carry on, his will to live had gone
And poor old Rabid Stu was dead by six.

Some said that she was vicious, but she preferred ambitious,
For the way she treated Rabid Stu that night.
For no-one really knew just what killed Rabid Stu:
Did he die of love or did he die of fright?

There's a stub-horned, puzzled rhino in the north at Chester Zoo,
There's a little marble cup, its contents gone;
There's a pining nymphomaniac sheds a tear for Rabid Stu,
And the stub horned, puzzled rhino grazes on.


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