SHOPPING AROUND
by
Alan Lavercombe

As a young married couple were talking one night,
Well, not so much talking as having a fight,
She had tried to explain where the housekeeping went
And why there were three days left when it were spent.
Now Sam didn't think it were funny
To go three days without a smoke
And three nights without his beer money,
And what if the bookies went broke?

Sam says he could do better by shopping around,
He'd study the prices, get more for a pound.
He'd go shopping when pubs kicked out next Saturday.
(Well, United and Rovers were both playing away.)
So she gives Sam the housekeeping money
And writes him a shopping list down,
Then she fixes the broken wheel back on the pram
And sends our Sam off into town.
  Well, she hears the front door just a couple of hours later,
There's her Sam with a brand spanking new p'rambulator,
With a big pile of groceries stacked underneath,
Sam were smiling so wide she could see his back teeth.
She helped him inside and unloaded,
Amazed to see how much were there,
While Sam checked his pools on the telly,
In his favourite fireside chair.

"He must have come up on the horses." she thought,
"This time I'll forgive him, look how much he's bought."
She had to admit he'd done shopping all right.
Sam thought to himself "On a promise tonight."
She smiled and then reached for her infant,
Then screamed "That's not our baby, Sam!"
"I know, love, but look at them groceries,
And besides, it's a much posher pram."


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