He said that I was awful, like a crow with a frog in it's throat,
But I knowed he fancied me like mad, so he gave me a 'YES' vote.

So I got sent away to England, to join up with the strangest bunch
Some of them was definitely a sandwich short of a lunch!
One bloke was very tanned and fit – he ran marathons for fun
He said he was gay, from Liverpool – I'm not surprised he could run!

There was Chinese girl from London, who had a silk split skirt
And a twenty-eight stone Geordie bloke, who never wore a shirt
One fella was in a cowgirl suit, and a pink hat with flashing lights
He said he was a transvestite – he was always stealing my tights!

There was a funny looking lassie, with blonde pigtails tied to her cap
She said she come from Iceland – I thought she worked in the shop!
  Some of them were just hopeless – not one interesting thing.
One fat oul doll from Scotland, sure all she could do was sing!

One claimed she was a Lesbian but she had three kids as well
I wondered how she managed it, but of course, she wouldn't tell
I asked if they wore a paper bag, with a woman's face painted on
I thought that if I wuz a fella, I'd have wanted two bags for thon!

Of course, the newspapermen went mad, to get all me details
Hunting for some scandalous things to boost their bloomin' sales
The Mirror and the Sun sent men, the Sunday World and the Daily Star
They were camped outside me mammy's like an army going to war.
The bloke from the Protestant Telegraph now - he got a nasty shock
Him and the Andytown News man had been in the same H-block
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