Then they heard a rumour – now God knows from where it sprung
Me Aunt Bridie had been a hooker, way back when she was young
But they got the details wrong, of course, as these guys usually will
Before she'd the operation, he used to play at Ravenhill!

Me boyfriend sold his story till some newspaper tycoon
He said that we were so in love, we'd be married when I won
G'way'n' ketch yerself on, son!! - if I should win the crown,
There's a damn sight livelier men than him lying in Milltown!
When I sitting with me showbiz pals, chatting to Ant and Dec,
D'ye think I'd want thon spotty twerp hanging round me neck?

The madness just continued, each day crazier than the last
We got to meet the rich and famous, that you'd never see in Belfast
  They brought in Jedward just to show it's all right to be crap
But I couldn't get quite close enough to hit one of them a slap

But I only lasted the first three weeks, for they fixed the bloody vote
The tricks them crafty English pull, it would really get on yer goat
They fixed the damn computers – only one vote each could be used
Sure all my fans in West Belfast were totally confused!

Well, I didn't care who won it then, I didn't even switch it on
Some skinny bitch with implants and a voice like a damn foghorn.
But I'm telling yis now – this time next year, I'll have my share of fame
For Mary Immaculata McGonnigle is gonna be a really BIG name!


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