For no sooner were striped suits assembled,
With one grey one they say serves us right,
Than they started to bicker like starlings in heat,
Or starlets on casting couch night.

They argued the shape of the table,
Should they sit, kneel, lie, stand up or squat,
They decided to lie, as political folk,
They'd practised at that quite a lot.

But where each one ought to be sitting,
And who should be chairman, no hope,
Left to me I'd of settled the whole thing right smart,
With three fathoms of good hempen rope.

They were puzzled about all the mountains they had,
Of butter, cheese, cereals and meat,
For they very well knew that throughout the whole world,
Everybody had plenty to eat.

That's still got then worried and so has the lake,
I believe to be topped up with vino,
Is it quite out of order to gently suggest,
We should all have a bloody good beano?
  The Danes were quite doubtful about it and said,
"There's no rape and pillage in this,
Those who think Vikings will stand for such crap,
Must surely be taking the piss."

"T'will be settled with a referendum." they said,
"A very good idea Indeed,"
Said the leading Viking, "If ones not enough,
Get a couple and happen they'll breed."

And it's because of that Maastricht Treaty,
As were signed by those dickheads that night,
That in England today you can do as you please,
If Jaques Delors says it's all right.

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