Al Read
We 'ad quite a shock in the family, last week
Well, it's shaken us all to the bone.
We've been so upset and too frightened to speak...
Well, you do when it's one of yer own!

It's very 'ush, 'ush... so you 'ave to use tact
I'm sorry to carp... but I must
It's quite confidential... top secret, in fact!
So only tell those you can trust!

Our Maggie's going t' get married
She's made up her mind to get wed.
Her bottom drawer's bulgin' so much, it's divulgin'
The quilt that she bought for the bed.

It's well known she's not one for rushin'
Well... she's 90 when all said an' done!
And somebody's told 'er if she gets much older
She's going to miss most of the fun!

So, our maggie's going t' get married
With presents, they've started to call
There's a book from Aunt Siss all about wedded bliss
With a 'Do It Yourself' kit an' all!

Our Jack said, 'I've brought ye' this statue...
Can you tell it's antique filligree?
Mag. said, 'I should do.. it's the one I gave you
And I can't think who gave it to me!

But, our Maggies going to get married
She's got the 'ole house on the run
When she 'appened to say, 'Who'd give me away?'
Our Fred said, 'Why?... what 'ave yer done?'

Our Albert said, 'I'll play the organ...'
I can play 'Roll me Over' by ear.
As the newly-weds leave, I'll play something naive
Like... 'The Loveliest Night of the Year'!

So our Maggie's goin' t' get married
She's 'avin' six bridesmaids in pink.
With the dresses she's chosen, theyre gonna be frozen
God knows what the vicar'll think!!!

The 'oneymoon's booked at Lyme Regis
Our Mag's found a flat that's 'To Let'
She'd get married, our Mag... but she's found a snag
Y'see... nobody's asked 'er to yet!
The end