Al Read
Last Friday but one... I was having some fun
With a few of the lads at the club,
And a big 'eaded bloke who's a bit of a soak
Well!... you've only to look at his tub.

He looked straight at me he said, 'I'll turn T.T.
If I'm wrong!' I said, 'Wrong about what?'
He said, 'You, you look dicky...' I said, 'Don't take the Mickey...
That's rot!' He said, 'That's what you've got!'

You're seeing too much of the telly, 
It's got you... now will you be told,
I can tell when you drink... it's the way that you blink
You've a touch of the vertical hold!

You'll have to stop watching 'Matt Dillon'
You're too quick at picking a fight
So either go west or stop limping like 'Chester'
And don't watch the telly, tonight!' 

He said, 'You're seeing too much of the telly
I can tell by the shape of your eyes
If you see 'Charlie Drake anymore, you'll awake
And find you've gone down to his size.

You'll have to stop watching those adverts
That blue stuff... that makes your shirt white
Either put on your jacket or lets buy a packet
But don't watch the telly, tonight!

I was never a wit and it shook me a bit
I thought, 'This fellow's having me on'
He started to talk so I went for a walk
Then I came back and found that he'd had gone.

So I ordered a gill and a barmaid called, Lil
Poured it out and went all of a tizz!
She said, 'Don't blame the beer, if you feel a bit queer
But I think that I know what it is. 

You're seeing too much of the telly
You've had far too much of 'Ted Ray'
Your eyes've started popping, your hairs started dropping
And what you've got left's turning grey...

You've seen too much of Show Jumping
You've watched every horse with delight
'Pat Smythe' is your idol... but take off that bridle...
And don't watch the telly tonight.
The end