The Villain Still Pursued Her
by
Arthur Askey (1940)
The theatre was crowded from the ceiling to the floor
The orchestra had played the overture
At last the curtain rises on the scene - a lonely moor
The heroine so innocent and pure
She thinks that she's alone but soon amid a storm of boos
There emerges from behind a blasted tree
The form of Filthy Ferdinand who tells her she must choose
Between his foul caress and povertee.

The villain still pursued her - yes with ruin she was faced
Through twenty scenes he followed her, but still the maid was chaste
In Scene the First he lured her to a lonely house he knew
He muttered 'None can save you now' as the candle out he blew
But the hero struck a match and shouted, 'What's the matter wid chew?'
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her, yes, he chased her high and low
I don't know what he asked her, but she always answered , 'No.'
In the Second Scene he caught her and prepared for the attack
He got her on the table - things were looking very black
But the furniture men turned up just then and took the table backl
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her, up and down the stage he glared
And half-way through the show he sent his boots to be repaired
In Scene the Third he caught her all alone in her boudoir
He said, 'I've chased you long enough, now you'll be chaste no more.'
But she concealed a mousetrap in her flannelette pegnoir
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her - to hope she faintly clings
When she hears a bottle of Guinness being opened in the wings
Scene Four's inside the Barracks and the girl is blue with fright
A great big Sergeant major with a fist the size of two
He turns upon the villain and he says, 'Get in the queue.'
And Filthy Ferdinand is foiled again!.

And the villain still pursued her, but her virtue could not shake
Till the gallery got impatient - shouted 'Give the lad a break.'
Scene Five - he wooed her in a wood, the maiden gave a scream
The hero on his bicycle appeared upon the scene
He tore the villain's trousers off and exposed his wicked scheme
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her, and there's one more scene to go
And virtue is triumphant - she's as pure as trodden snow
For in the end he chased her to a sugar factoree
And she pushed him in a big machine to end his villain-ee
So any of you people might have had him in your tea
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!.
Then they play 'The Queen' and shout, 'Pass along there - this way out'
And Filthy Ferdinand is foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her - the maiden's in despair
She cried 'I am undone' and some rude person shouted, 'Where?'
He chased her to a cemetry - the place was dark and drear
'At larst I've got you in my power,' he said with fiendish leer
But a voice behind a tombstone yelled, 'You can't do that there 'ere.'
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!

And the villain still pursued her - there was no one to console her
His eyes were flashing fire and he was breathing gorgonzola
He tied her to the railway track and gave a cruel shout
'The ten-fifteen express is due, there's nobody about.'
But the station-master came and cried
'That ruddy train's scrubbed out.'
And Filthy Ferdinand was foiled again!
The end