BILLIE AND TOGGIE
performed by
Bernard Miles

  I 'ear ole Billy Collets dead, across at Ivinghoe, Aston.
Last Friday 'e died.
I reckon they'll miss 'im over there.
They don't grow 'em like ole Billy every day.
'E cut 'ole in 'is gas mask so 'e could get 'is pipe through.
Used to do all 'is own cookin' you know. In one of these little Emmanuel saucepans.
Ole Mrs Webden used to go in there every three or four weeks and give it a wash out for 'im. Cos 'e lived all by hisself after 'is ole gal died.
Arr, 'e thought the world of 'er you know.
'E used to worry 'isself to death cos she wasn't married.
'E was a rare one was ole Billy.
They don't grow 'em like him every day.
'E could spit on a flea. "Weell," 'e used to say, "Why crack 'em when you can drown 'em?"
Haa, an' 'e always 'ad a hanswer, you know, no matter who 'e was atalkin' to.
You couldn't catch 'im out.
I remember when 'e got a job as a railway porter acrorse at Cheddington; durin' the war, you know, when they took down all the signs an' labels an' that off everything, so as we shouldn't know where we was.
Well, the first mornin' 'e was on duty he forgot where
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