She used to cut two arm'oles in this little bit o' bit flannel and put it on us like a jacket and then sew us up the belly with red cotton. Eleven of us; lying on the kitchen table.
Then 'er and my ole dad used to do each other.
Weell. The idea! Bathin'!
When I went acrorse to thin ole Miss Piggot's onions out she says, "I reckon you wants a bath," she says, "you're filthy," she says, "Why," she says, "you're dirtier than what ole Tommy Fairchild is," she says.
So I says, "Well," I says, "I'm three years older than what he is," I says, and I gets about more, " I says.
So she says "Arr", she says, "A rolling stone gathers no moss,"
So I says, "No." I says, "And a sitting hen don't grow no feathers on 'er belly.
Arr, that 'ad 'er. She couldn't answer. She went as red as a beetroot. I thought she was goin' to explode.
Weell! The idea! Talkin' to me like that!
I'd thin 'er onions out for 'er if I 'ad my way. Ridin' round on that fat little pony of 'ers, like a Tom Tit on a round of beef.
I 'ad me 'air cut yesterday.
The feller comes acrorse from Dunstable every fortnight and does the 'ole village in ole Mrs Wilkinson's scullery.
He's got two prices, eightpence and fourpence, so as
  you can either 'ave it cut or notched. The only difference is that when 'e's notching 'e goes faster and 'e ain't quite so careful.
'E took half inch off ole Tommy Lavender's ears last time 'e was over. I 'eard ole Tommy 'oller out, and when I went in there 'e was holdin' 'is 'ead over the sink, and this yer barber chap was down on 'is 'ands and knees lookin' for the bit 'e chopped off! 'E found it be'ind the mangle. They tried to put it on again but it kept fallin' orf so in the end ole Tommy took it 'ome in a matchbox. 'E reckons 'e's going to 'ang it on 'is watch chain.


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