performed by
Bernard Miles

  "Good arternoon...
I was born and bred in Ivin'hoe.
I was born at me grannies.
That's a nice little village is Ivin'hoe; like what they calls interdenominational. That's got a church, a Ebernezer Strict Baptist, a Wesleyan Reform, a Bethel and a little Salvation Army made outa corrugated iron; arr, and when that rains that don't half rattle! Only o' course 'tis nice soft water.
I'm church, myself, St Marks, what they calls perpendicular, that was built by the Vikings, in th' 'leventh century, afore the railway come. Tha's got some fine ole crusaders in un like these 'ere stone statutes where 'e lays underneath and they puts these 'ere stone statutes on the lid so's 'e'll reckernise 'isself,.
Only I don't reckon nobody'll reckernise 'im cos us 'r' bin sharp'in' our sickles and faggin' hooks on 'im ever since I can remember, and 'e 'adn't got no face then.
Us gets into church at night an' sharps our sickles an' faggin' hooks on this yer ole crusader, arr, all over 'im. They reckon that's the finest bit o' sharpening stone in 'Ertfordshire, only o' course nobody don't know, that's bin handed down like.
I had to laugh at our ole vicar, showin' some folks over the church.
He said "This yer ole crusader" 'e says, "was," 'e says
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