KNOCKING NELLY TRILOGY 1
by
Bernard Wrigley



Gasman, coalman, waterboard or the bloke who mends the telly
They're all the same to Harold's wife, the famous Knocking Nelly
She handles all her creditors, for years she's had no bills
But of Harrys, Roys and teddy boys I know she gets her fill.

Last week when Harold's out at work she's upstairs with a bloke
He's the football pool collector and he's Nelly's latest poke
She's got his vest and trousers off, she's asking him for more
But then she hears her husband dear come waltzing through the door

She bungs her lover in the wardrobe door, and then she shouts "Oh crumbs"
For dangling out the wardrobe door were the pool collector's plums
Then Harold he comes up the stairs and says "Now hello dear
The boss gave me the day off work.. and whats these dangling here?"

Well, Nelly's seen this all before and a very good tale she tells
For "I've just been out shopping and I've bought these couple of bells
But they're not of the ringing kind, in fact they're just a joke"
So Harold lifts his finger up and he gives the bells a poke.

Now Harold keeps on poking and agrees the bells are dead
And the bloke inside the wardrobe's going a peculiar shade of red
Harold says the bells'll ring if he clouts 'em with his hammer
And Nelly sitting on the bed can hardly raise a stammer.

Harold smacks 'em once and twice but still the bells won't ring
He raises up his hammer then to have one final swing
He'd sworn to make the bells go 'ding' by George he wasn't wrong
For the bloke inside the wardrobe shouts...
"For Christs' sake - DING DING DONG'