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SO I TOOK OFF ME HAT

by
Max Wall

I never stay where I'm not wanted,
I know just the moment to go.
For instance, last sunday I went to the country,
To visit some people I know.
When I got there, they were out, I'm afraid,
But they'd left their house in the care of a maid.
So I took off me hat and I took off me coat,
And I took off my gloves and went in.
The maid was quite pretty and seemingly witty,
We flirted and finished the gin.
She must have thought I was a surgeon, no doubt,
'Cos' all of a sudden she started to shout,
"You've gone far enough, cut it out! cut it out!"
So I put on me hat and I put on me coat,
And I put on me gloves and went home.

I once took some lessons in boxing,
I thought it an excellent wheeze.
Then, I made a short list of all the big fellers,
I thought I would beat up with ease.
The first on the list was the bully, next door,
I just couldn't wait to punch him on the jaw.
So I took off me hat and I took off me coat,
And I took off my gloves and went in.
I showed him the list and I held up my fist,
And said, "How'd yer like this on yer chin?"
I'll break you in pieces!" he started to shout,
"I'll bust in yer wind-pipe, I'll pull out yer snout!"
So I put on me hat and I put on me coat,
And I put on me gloves and went home.
 
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