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WHAT WAS THAT, THAT YOU SAID?
written and performed
by
Max Wall

I've always been quite hasty and I blow up like a bubble,
And I say things that I honestly don't mean.
Well, I'll have to cure this habit or I'll get myself in trouble,
And I'll finish up by making quite a scene.
For instance, only yesterday, I tried to cross the road
And I nearly got run over by a car...
I shouted to the fellow, "Learn to drive, you little toad,
The ugly little midget that you are."
He stopped... and then got out and I could see
That the chap was over six feet tall and looked just like a tree.
He said, "What was that, that you said?"
I said, "Who said?"
He said, "You said!"
I said, "Me?"
He said, "Yes you!"
I said, "Not me!"
He said, "I've half a mind to thrash you!"
I said, "Thrash who?"
He said, "Thrash you!"
And I stood back there astounded at his flow of repartee.
He said, "I know just what you thought!"
I said, "Who thought?"
He said, "You thought!"
I said, "Me?"
He said, "Yes, you thought that I was small...
So in future, be more careful!"
I said, "Bet your life I will be!"
Then he got back in his car and that was all!.

A week ago today, I went to supper with a girlfriend
She's the girlfriend when her husband's not about.
Well, I knew that it was risky and that anything might happen
If he suddenly came in and found us out.
Still, we sat and had some supper then we polished off the gin
Then she said, "My husband is listening at the door!"
I said, "Let the Blighter listen... come on, let's have one more kiss,
If he comes in here I'll smash him on the jaw.
The door then opened widely with a crash...
And he stood there like a giant as he curled his huge moustache.
He said, "What was that, that you said?"
I said, "Who said?"
He said, "You said!"
I said, "Me?"
He said, "Yes you!"
I said, "Not me!"
He said, "I really ought to kill you!"
I said, "Kill who?"
He said, "Kill you!"
I said, "Me?"
He said, "Yes, you!"
I said, "But how?"
He said, "You'll see!"
I said, "But you'd be hung for murder!"
He said, "Who would?"
I said, "You would!"
He said, "Me?"
I said, "Yes you!"
He said, "You're right!
I shall have to think that over..."
I said, "What?"
He said, "What you said..."
I said, "Yes, well I'll be going now... GOOD-NIGHT!!!"
 
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