Bernard Newman

A little boy named Bertie Brown
Once lived in great big London Town
He was his mother’s pride and joy
For Bertie was her only boy
But one fine day at half past three
Young Bertie ran away to sea
And giving, his ma-ma the slip
He got aboard a great big ship.

The ship set sail for distant Spain
But when out upon the Spanish Main
A band of pirates hove in sight
And soon commenced a fearful fight
The crew all drew their swords and knives
And started fighting for their lives
But one by one their heads were cleft
Till only Bertie then was left.

He quickly turned to face the foe
And with a scornful, “Yo Heave Ho”
Brave Bertie charged that pirate band
With two revolvers in each hand
The pirates, taken by surprise
Fell dead all round him, just like flies
He’d only thirteen more to kill
When one. who’s name was Cut-throat Bill
A lassoo flung round Bertie’s neck
And dragged him helpless to the deck.

The pirates then with great delight
Said, “You shall walk the plank tonight.”
Then up the mast they made him go
To look into the waves below
And there he saw with hungry smiles
Huge whales, and sharks, and crocodiles
All waiting there, with fiendish glee
To have some Bertie for their tea.

Then Cut-throat Bill he shook his fist
And giving Bertie’s neck a twist
He flung him in the ocean wet
With no expression of regret
And left him there, with angry frown
In his best Sunday suit... to drown.

When Bertie to the surface rose
A crocodile nipped off his nose
While two big whales his ears enjoyed
Which made poor Bertie most annoyed
And then some most ferocious sharks 
Devoured his vacination marks
So Bertie thought he’d better die
But just then - woke up with a cry
And sitting up - awake - in bed
Got dressed, and went to school instead.
The end