Childhood
SIR SMASHAM UPPE
by
E.V. Rieu

Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe!
We're having tea: do take a cup!
Sugar and milk? - Now let me see
Two lumps, I think? . . . Good gracious me!
The silly thing slipped off your knee!
Pray don’t apologize, old chap:
A very trivial mishap!
So clumsy of you? - How absurd!
My dear Sir Smasham, not a word!
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother –
You know, the one who broke his head.
Is the poor fellow still in bed? –
A chair - allow me, sir! . . . Great Scott!
That was a nasty smash! Eh, what?
Oh, not at all: the chair was old –
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We’ve got at least a dozen more:
Just leave the pieces on the floor.
I want you to admire our view:
Come nearer to the window, do:
And look how beautiful . . . Tut, tut!
You didn’t see that it was shut?
I hope you are not badly cut!
Not hurt? - A fortunate escape!
Amazing! - Not a single scrape!
And now, if you have finished tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A little thing or two I’ve got.
That china plate? - Yes, worth a lot:
A beauty too . . . Ah, there it goes!
I trust it didn’t hurt your toes?
Your elbow brushed it off the shelf?
Of course: I’ve done the same myself.
And now, my dear Sir Smasham – Oh!
You surely don’t intend to go?
You must be off? - Well, come again
So glad you’re fond of porcelain!
The end