Top
title
div
Childrens
 
div
 
SCHOOLBOY STUDIES - Part 2

WASHING
by
Bernard Newman

Today I was reading about a big ship
Some pirates were there on the deck
When all of a sudden my mother came in
An’ started off washin’ my neck.

Oh, I’m sure that my neck don’t want washin’
Why should mother always choose me?
There’s my sister Mary, with hair down her back
It hides her neck, so’s you can’t see
My mother will look at the back of my ears
And I’ll tell you a thing she will do
She takes out a hanky, and licks it - like this
An’ she - well, I don’t like it. Would you?

Mother says I should look in the mirror each night
To make sure that I’m clean before bed
But I know I’m clean by a much better way
I just look at the towel instead.

Oh, I’m sure that my neck don’t need washin’
I’m sure that it ain’t safe at all
I want to take warning from other’s mistakes
And not in their footsteps to fall
My dad’s got his hair off - he’s what they call ‘bald’
Its all rotted away, it appears
So that now he’s all neck to the top of his head
That’s through washin’ the back of his ears.

I’m in for some trouble tomorrow
Our vicar is coming to tea
And Ma will look round, just to see things all right
There’ll be one that’s found wantin’ - that’s me.

Oh, I’m sure that my neck don’t need washin’
I’m sure that it’s perfectly clean
I washed it last Saturday night in the bath
To wash it again would be mean
I don’t see why vicars should visit at all
Then it wouldn’t be, “Come along, Tom.”
Why should I be polished up, just to please him?
Besides, s’pose the vicar don’t come!
 
div
 
Top
 
Return to
' CHILDHOOD
FAVOURITES
'
Menu
 
div
 
Monologues Home
Music Hall Home
The Forum
Pencil Portraits
Pedro Postcards
Amazon Store
 
div
 
Classic Tracks
 
Komic Kutz
 
Chinese Takeaway Blues
 
Foo Foo
 
Bottom